Fri May 03, 2019 7:59 amSubject: Re: Has anyone tried an escort?
Yes, and here is my story. I decided to give Escort services a try... What an epic fail. This is more of a "document the moment" for me because I need to reflect on what the heck just happened. Well, as the title says, I tried giving female escort GFE services a try after a very long rough patch of zero romance in my life for several years(FA). I don't feel particularly good or bad about it so save your judgments. It is what it is. The way I justified it to myself was to "try everything at least once." Let me tell you... never again. Maybe it's just me, but I can tell you for sure, calling an escort is not for everyone... Well, no shit, Sherlock! Hopefully, if you're reading this, it will help you determine if this kind of service is right for you. Onto the story...
So, the lead up... Things started off a little shaky due to my nerves. The anticipation of her arrival was excruciating. A mix of butterflies and "holy hell, what am I doing." After all, I had never done this before. I get high anxiety when I get nervous...like, bad. Sweat profusely, urge to poop rising kind of bad. Anyway, that was before she showed up, so you can imagine how bad things got when I heard the knock on the door.
She shows up(a little late, I might add), lookin' pretty damn good in a tight-ass dress. I am initially at ease and not pooping in my pants. She's taller, eastern European, piercings and tattoos in the special places. Immediately, she takes off her 6" stilettos to get down to my height. She begins to speak in broken English and I am immediately turned off... I know, what a chump. Anyway, I figure, maybe I'll get aroused when we get to bed so I shrug it off and go with the flow... I've come this far. We move into the bedroom, undress, one thing leads to another and she's trying to fondle my junk...
Anxiety is KILLING my performance. Shit. There's no wood in this forest! Whatever, maybe if I fondle her, I'll feel a little more at ease. By now, I'm sweating like I just sprinted every leg of the 4x400m at the Olympics. This isn't working. "Wow, what a waste," I thought. Then another thought of, "does this make me gay?" Then finally, another thought of "hell naw! All my porn is straight and the female frame is a beautiful thing."
What killed me was the impersonal nature of the encounter. I mean, here I am, with beautiful lady wanting to get it on. Who in their right mind would resist? And that's what I'm getting at. What separates people like me from people who hire escorts is the desire to build that meaningful connection with the person you are trying to make it with. Glad I learned that the hard way. It will certainly affect all of my future relationships. Most people would feel cheated but I went into this thinking I want to make a mistake. After all, you've got to learn from your mistakes and I'm glad I made this one. For me, I now know, without a doubt, I get ZERO arousal from strip clubs and one night stands.
Anyway, things obviously weren't going to happen at this point so we put our clothes back on and we started chatting. We talked a lot about our life goals and whatnot... well, she's trying to in her broken English at least. She calls her ride, and leaves earlier than our end time. That's the only thing I felt kinda crappy about, like I had just been the one used and not the other way around. To top it off, the chick dropped a deuce during her visit and tried to cover it up initially by saying she wanted to take a shower. Next thing I know, I'm hearing explosive shit noises that rival my own which was almost worth the entire experience because that was the first time I have ever encountered any definitive evidence of women pooping.
And that's the story of how I met your mother. Jk, in all seriousness though, this was a big fml learning experience and wanted to share. Sorry for the wall. Hopefully, it was educational.